Before I get started, I want to take a moment to explain that I am by no means an expert at any of this - I'm pretty sure I'm not even good at it. Sure, I have chore charts posted and a meal plan board and I buy a new planner every year, but all of that lasts three months, max, then it falls to the wayside. So here's my 5th (10th, 50th, 100th, who knows?) attempt at getting my home in order.
Ah, the new year! A fresh start, a new beginning, a blank book with twelve new chapters and 365 pages to write. January is also the perfect time to lay down new rhythms or routines for your home.
This isn't my first rodeo at attempting to lay a strong foundation for my home, but I'm determined for it to stick this time. You see, the last time I tried this was in January 2020. I even hosted a vision board party with a friend who spoke on block scheduling and the importance of daily rhythms. I was a mom to an almost 3.5-year-old and almost 1.5-year-old twins. I wanted - no, NEEDED - routine and rhythm because whatever we had going wasn't cutting it. Then, the pandemic hit. Mr. Bookendsandtwins was teaching from home or even just off of work, we could barely go anywhere, and on top of that, our house was on the market. Any routines or rhythms I had established went to shambles.
Then, we moved and get pregnant again and then had a newborn, so no order was put in place again.
Currently, I'm finally at a place where maybe it can stick. Our oldest is in full-time Kindergarten, the twins are in preschool twice a week, and baby girl is almost 1.5 years old. However, I know that with so many kids and activities, the better care I show in planning our days and months, the more productive we will be as a family. But, I've also learned that I need to be flexible as well, as schedules change and new skills are learned.
The daily rhythms I set consider all members of my family's abilities and personalities. If you haven't already, take the love languages quiz for yourself and your kids (or have them take it if old enough). Look up age-appropriate skills and chores and put this information somewhere you can see it frequently. Keeping these in mind, what daily rhythms will help get everything that needs to be done, done? Will I delegate housework and how? What days will be shopping days? Appointment days? Do we have any current rhythms/routines that do not serve our family well? What can I add to make life more pleasureable and where can we better invest our time?
Sally Clarkson suggests in her book, The Lifegiving Home, to focus on prioritizing and managing the following areas of your home:
Family
Information
Rest
Stuff
Time
Write down what is not working in each category and see how you can tweak it. But, be sure to include YOU in the plans. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
So, how?
Take one day in December or January to loosely plan your upcoming year. No kids, no distractions, take as long as you need and map out the framework.
Take one day/weekend in January to declutter. Martin Luther King Jr weekend is perfect for this. Declutter your home, yes, but also your mind and soul. Is there anything from the past year that you need to let go of - jealousy, bitterness, failures, disappointments, arguments, etc? Look at the goals you had set for the past year and see where you need to strengthen physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From this reflection, choose your word of the year and focus.
Establish (write down, if needed), routines for meal times, housework, mornings, and bedtimes. Will meals be screen-free? Will everyone eat at the table together? Who will set the table? Clear the table? Do the dishes? How will housework be divided? By day? By room or person? Will implementing a 15-minute evening clean-up help? What do monrings look like? Bedtime? Is there any downtime scheduled currently and, if not, how can you schedule some and when?
The most important parts of a child's day are the first three minutes after he wakes up, the first three minutes after school or when reunited, and the last three minutes before bed. Are your mornings filled with yelling and rushing and stress? Does TV go on the moment your child gets home from school? Implementing short, three-minute blessings, words of affection, etc. can make a huge difference for kids and the atmosphere of the home. This applies to partners too! I once had a therapist who, when I spoke about the disconnect in my marriage, suggested that every time one of us got home from work, we greet each other with a kiss before we got busy doing things for the kids and house. That short, quick gesture focusing on each other made all the difference.
Make sure to schedule downtime without screens, work, or commitments. Maybe that looks like a daily reading/quiet hour from four to five in the evening before dinner, or afternoon tea time, or yoga for ten minutes every day at six o'clock. It can be anything that works for you and your family, but schedule it and make it information free (no screens, news, etc.). Just be.
Most importnatly, however, is that we need to set obtainable goals for each member of the family at age-appropriate levels. Consequently, most importantly as parents, we cannot expect what we do not model. Let me repeat in bold:
We cannot expect what we do not model.
So, why create a framework?
Until fairly recently, it was considered good and noble for the home and family to be the center of a woman's life. I'm absolutely not saying that everyone needs to stay home and not work, however, we as women, are designed to make a home, and setting a sturdy framework with rhythms and routines will make life easier for both the working mom and the stay-at-home mom alike and will benefit the children far beyond what you can imagine.
The deepest core need of every child is to be loved, cherished, cared for, and protected by his or her mother. Not a want, a NEED. Setting a framework makes children feel safe and cared for on a daily basis, When they know what to expect through consistent rhythms, routines, responses, etc. they thrive and are happier, less stressed, and more successful.
OK, ok, so now I'm off to take my own advice here and plan and establish routines to set the framework for the Griffitt household.
Let's do this!
Things to remember:
You must take care of yourself too! Schedule time for YOU.
We cannot expect what we do not model.
When our mouths get loud, it is a red flag that it's time for our hearts to get quiet. Schedule downtime.
Questions to ponder:
What is the secret to success for your family?
What are your top 3 goals for your family this year?
What are your top 3 goals for yourself this year?
How do these goals connect?
What is a household job or responsibility you can pass on?
Where or how could you care for yourself better?
What kind of home do you want to build?
What is currently hindering you from doing that and how can you change it?
Challenges:
Schedule personal planning time - for the year, monthly, nightly, whatever works for you.
Declutter your inbox and unsubscribe from any newsletters that no longer serve you and your family.
Organize your home/belongings and get rid of anything you haven't used or touched in a year.
Find an accountability partner to hold you to your goals.
Determine your word/verse/quote/etc for the year
Make a vision board for your family
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